some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
