If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
