just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
