I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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