like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
