i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
