so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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