I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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