If that was your dad, he is hot
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
