if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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