I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
