walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
