Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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