just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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