I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
