i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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