Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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