Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
