My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
