Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
