you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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