he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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