That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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