That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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