I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
