Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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