Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
