i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
