just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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