i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
