honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize