wakey wakey hands off snakey
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So much Jack, so little girl.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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