You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
