It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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