Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
