New invention idea: vibrating tampons
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
