there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
