Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
