drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
