Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
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