i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
