Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Randomize
