you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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