It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
