I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
