I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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