jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
