so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
