it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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