I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
