Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
