Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize