...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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