My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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