dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
