What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
