My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
