i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
