Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
