I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
