You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
