i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
