I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
