genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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