i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
