She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize