How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize