I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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