i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
