Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
