i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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